Long Distance Marriage – Reasons why You should Avoid it

There was a man in Lagos (Nigeria) who was at the cyber cafe to make a long distance call to his heart throb (in USA) at that time when everyone making call overseas have to pay through their nose. This man made the first one hour call paid such huge amount turned to go and rushed back again just to start another long call to the heart throb all in the bid to appeal to her not to forget him. Long distance marriage is a dreaded “unavoidable” situation which many couples have found themselves.

Long distance relationship is a stress-full relationship. And it is such a relationship that many may not be able to survive because of the many troubles that are involved in it. I have been involved in it for a cogent reason and I also know a few individuals who have been involved in this kind of relationship and I know firsthand what stress is in it. Long distance marriage is such that should be avoided by all means possible if the marriage is to fulfill the reason for which it was established.

The many problems of Long Distance Marriage

1.      Breakdown of effective Communication

The distance in the Long distance Marriage renders couples incommunicado. Many couples are frustrated while attempting to stay in touch. If the distance spans over continents/countries with time difference, communication through the telephone, which will have been the most effective, becomes such a problem and it becomes so frustrating to be in touch.

2.      Cost of maintaining two homes

The cost associated with maintaining two homes is so enormous for the long distance marriage couples that if care is not taken what they would have been able to achieve in one year will take them 3 to 4 years to go through. Such fundamental costs of shelter, food, clothing, travels and associated costs will always run on such couples income. If they had been together it will have taken them half or even less on such things because they could plan better in togetherness.

3.      Tendency to grow apart

There are so many tendencies for the party who is in the developed world to grow faster and apart from the other party, who possibly is having issue with lots of other matters. Long distance marriage partners grow in divergent ways and it eventually brings troubles if and when they finally come back together.

4.      Slow death of the once glowing love

Many long distance marriages have come to an abrupt end as a result of the distance. Every marriage has its trials and troubles, many of the trials can easily be overcome when couples have time to discuss together. But in a long distance relationship it becomes very difficult to settle issues between couples as one may just not cooperate and since they are not seeing each other tendency is that the other party who really want to settle things will be frustrated and sooner than later the marriage may come to an end naturally.

5.      Loneliness

Marriage is for companionship. A long distance marriage couple cannot experience this in its fullness. They are always yearning for each other and this passion keeps propping up and if there is no way of fulfilling this desire the affection and desire may die after many days, months, and maybe years of unfulfilled passion. They tend to become so lonely.

6.      Tendency for extra marital activity

Especially for men who have little or less control over their sex life long distance marriage may lead to extra marital life where they find solace in the side of other women/men. This eventually put separation between the two and may lead to total collapse of the marriage.

7        It gives room for suspicion

There is the possibility that one or the two parties will start having suspicion about the other. Because of the distance the couple is subject to doubts about each other and this may start manifesting in their discussions and communications by becoming less frequent and getting on each other nerves.
 

Delay in decision making

Decision making becomes a little delayed at almost every time decisions are to be made because the spouse is not around. The progress they could make becomes stifled as a result. Their achievement becomes less compared to their efforts.

9        The stress of keeping in touch

There is so much stress involved in long distance marriage because the couple is tracking each other to stay in touch so as not to miss each other but the stress eventually takes over them and they may give in to despair and sorrow especially if the issue for the separation has to do with work. The wife may see this as too much demand on her and the problem of breakdown may start from there.