Marriage Success: Ten Must Have Ingredients

Everyone wants a very successful marriage but not everyone wants to put into marriage what will make the marriage to succeed. And though many may want to do but they do not know what is required to make it a success so they start trying what they think is necessary. But there listed are my ten (10) ingredients for an aspiring couple who want a successful marriage.

1. Talk! Speak!! Communicate!!!

The worst thing to do in a relationship is to keep quite. Death awaits any marriage where “silence is the best answer” is the rule. There is no problem that communication cannot solve. Therefore you need to talk, speak up and communicate. Learn to communicate. When there is true communication all trials will cease.

2. Never allow unsettled differences

There is bound to be differences between you, but never allow such to bring separation. Don’t allow differences to remain unsettled till the next day. Face the reality and let things go by after the two of you have discussed and individuals have accepted their faults.

3. Have Focus for the marriage

Many just wobble along in relationships without any particular desire in their mind. You need to know what exactly you want from the marriage, and you need to focus on such never allowing any distraction.

4. Don’t keep the fault of your spouse at heart

Don’t allow your mind to become the store house for keeping the fault of your spouse. If there is any misunderstanding and your spouse has agreed and apologized just forgive and forget. Even when they don’t accept you can still carry on in love, and the spouse will come back to realize that he or she had been wrong all the while.

5. Keep the glow of love

As marriages grow in age many tend to forget the love they share from the beginning and so start having problems. Keep the glow of your first love alive. Go back to the memory lane and start doing all those things you did while in courtship. Take her out again, write her those love poems, and sing his favorite songs to him. Just keep love alive anyhow you can. Never outgrow love. Don’t let things, children etc get in your way.

6. Be thoughtful of your spouse

Never be self centered. Every human have degrees of selfishness in them, don’t allow yours to stand in the way of your marriage. Let your spouse take uppermost in your heart, not you, not other people.

7. Don’t let finance tear you apart

Many marriages have gone under as a result of money. Many wives have become mere things in the home, and some men cannot have a say in their own home again because the wife is the bread winner. Couples are to learn to live through financial difficulties when it comes. This should rather unite you as you both focus and fashion out ways to get your finances together again.

8. Focus on your partner's strengths

See the strength of your spouse rather than the flaws. Everyone have areas of endowment. Never neglect such areas of your spouse life, rather help develop it.

9. Revitalize your sex life

Remember how you started the marriage? Remember how enjoyable sex was to both of you? Ignite that passion again. Don’t allow time to wipe the passion away. Spice up the sex life again.

10. Say “I love you” always

Always show your love for each other by saying it over and over again. It may look simple but it matters much. What the mind continuously hears is what it will believe. That is the power of suggestion.

Long Distance Marriage – Reasons why You should Avoid it

There was a man in Lagos (Nigeria) who was at the cyber cafe to make a long distance call to his heart throb (in USA) at that time when everyone making call overseas have to pay through their nose. This man made the first one hour call paid such huge amount turned to go and rushed back again just to start another long call to the heart throb all in the bid to appeal to her not to forget him. Long distance marriage is a dreaded “unavoidable” situation which many couples have found themselves.

Long distance relationship is a stress-full relationship. And it is such a relationship that many may not be able to survive because of the many troubles that are involved in it. I have been involved in it for a cogent reason and I also know a few individuals who have been involved in this kind of relationship and I know firsthand what stress is in it. Long distance marriage is such that should be avoided by all means possible if the marriage is to fulfill the reason for which it was established.

The many problems of Long Distance Marriage

1.      Breakdown of effective Communication

The distance in the Long distance Marriage renders couples incommunicado. Many couples are frustrated while attempting to stay in touch. If the distance spans over continents/countries with time difference, communication through the telephone, which will have been the most effective, becomes such a problem and it becomes so frustrating to be in touch.

2.      Cost of maintaining two homes

The cost associated with maintaining two homes is so enormous for the long distance marriage couples that if care is not taken what they would have been able to achieve in one year will take them 3 to 4 years to go through. Such fundamental costs of shelter, food, clothing, travels and associated costs will always run on such couples income. If they had been together it will have taken them half or even less on such things because they could plan better in togetherness.

3.      Tendency to grow apart

There are so many tendencies for the party who is in the developed world to grow faster and apart from the other party, who possibly is having issue with lots of other matters. Long distance marriage partners grow in divergent ways and it eventually brings troubles if and when they finally come back together.

4.      Slow death of the once glowing love

Many long distance marriages have come to an abrupt end as a result of the distance. Every marriage has its trials and troubles, many of the trials can easily be overcome when couples have time to discuss together. But in a long distance relationship it becomes very difficult to settle issues between couples as one may just not cooperate and since they are not seeing each other tendency is that the other party who really want to settle things will be frustrated and sooner than later the marriage may come to an end naturally.

5.      Loneliness

Marriage is for companionship. A long distance marriage couple cannot experience this in its fullness. They are always yearning for each other and this passion keeps propping up and if there is no way of fulfilling this desire the affection and desire may die after many days, months, and maybe years of unfulfilled passion. They tend to become so lonely.

6.      Tendency for extra marital activity

Especially for men who have little or less control over their sex life long distance marriage may lead to extra marital life where they find solace in the side of other women/men. This eventually put separation between the two and may lead to total collapse of the marriage.

7        It gives room for suspicion

There is the possibility that one or the two parties will start having suspicion about the other. Because of the distance the couple is subject to doubts about each other and this may start manifesting in their discussions and communications by becoming less frequent and getting on each other nerves.
 

Delay in decision making

Decision making becomes a little delayed at almost every time decisions are to be made because the spouse is not around. The progress they could make becomes stifled as a result. Their achievement becomes less compared to their efforts.

9        The stress of keeping in touch

There is so much stress involved in long distance marriage because the couple is tracking each other to stay in touch so as not to miss each other but the stress eventually takes over them and they may give in to despair and sorrow especially if the issue for the separation has to do with work. The wife may see this as too much demand on her and the problem of breakdown may start from there.

Marriage Vows: Before You Say I Do

It takes much planning and sorting things out when starting out on a building project, from the site of the building to the survey, the building plan, the materials to be used, the people to do the work. But it baffles me that the project that will affect not just one, not just two, but numerous people along the life span of a marriage and even beyond is not given such attention of planning as it should have. The view of a peaceful place where, love, joy and satisfaction are readily made available in the heart of many would be couples are far from the actual picture that we see as the days go by. Therefore there is need for planning; there is need for a serious work out before you say I do. The couple to be needs to seriously ask themselves "Am I truly ready for the kind of ideal marriage I'm envisaging?"

 There are things a would be couple need to have on their minds if the marriage they so much crave will be a success, barring these things the marriage maybe the one that will come crumbling down few months after the flamboyant celebrations of the wedding day. I will try to outline some things that are to be considered just before you say I do!

1. Are you ready to stay with this person for life: This is a serious question that needs to be considered seriously before saying I do. Many rush into marriage for different reasons and do not bother to consider this question and after the wedding day they begin to see the different angles of a married life and desire to back out. Some have the mind so they back out, but some cannot stay with the thought of a single life again so they keep enduring the marriage. But marriage is not meant to be endured but enjoyed so think it out well before proceeding in that relationship.
2. Are you ready to be committed to the marriage?: Marriage demands commitment. Marriage can't just be glossed over, toyed with or brushed aside without great consequences. Life of a married person is that of a marathon runner, it is for the long haul and not the sprint, which is meant to end in short distance, or the relay, where you will have to hand over the baton to the next person in the race. You are in it for life. So you must be able to decide that you are ready for the whole process before you say I do.
3. In case of any eventuality what would be your response?: You need to have a readymade answer to the issues of life that may come up in the course of the marriage. There are bound to be issues as time progresses and you as a partner in the marriage need to ensure that nothing catches you unaware. You need to know if you can bear if a particular instance just throws up as you are in the marriage. What will be your response for instance if you do not have a child in the marriage, would you break it up, go for adoption, go the medical way.

These are very important questions that require you have an answer ahead of time, before you say I do consider them well enough.